Feeling pretty proud this morning. I composed a lengthy paragraph about myself in Spanish and it translated accurately when I popped it into Google Translate. On the other hand I often sound like a two year old when trying to speak to someone. This language learning is both fun and frustrating.

Every once in awhile there is a break through which inspires me to continue. Interesting how it happens right around the time I’m so discouraged I’m ready to pack it in, thinking who wants to be a damn polyglot anyway.

Of course, even though I know better, I get caught up conjugating verbs and learning the structure of the language. Ideally I should be focusing on learning to speak it first – the way all human beings learn language the world over. I know this. So why am I sabotaging myself? I can read and write Spanish fairly well but can’t get past hello when speaking to someone.

Some of you will laugh when I say I am shy, but seriously, I am so painfully shy when it comes to speaking Spanish it’s friggin’ ridiculous. My brain freezes, everything I thought I knew goes out the window, my tongue gets tied up in knots, I become embarrassed and flustered and feel foolish – you get the picture. I think its called stress! You’d think at the delightful age of 63 I’d have managed to let go of all that crazy shit. But, oh no, it follows me around like a hungry dog.

In recent efforts to overcome this debilitating mental block I walk around my apartment speaking Spanish to myself. I’m trying to get used to hearing my own voice speak another language – also trying to get some flow happening. I think it’s actually working so maybe tomorrow I will find the courage to pick up the phone and join that Spanish conversation class. The one I should have joined two years ago because now I have exactly two months before landing in Malaga. Deseame suerte!